Wedding Dos & Don’ts - Guest Edition
A couple's wedding day is a delicately orchestrated celebration of 2 becoming 1. One to be remembered for the rest of their lives. When it comes to wedding etiquette, it’s important to be respectful and attentive to the couple’s wishes. From choosing the ideal attire to managing expectations, this guide will walk you through the key Dos and Don’ts of wedding etiquette ensuring you can fully appreciate and celebrate the day with ease and respect.
RSVP on time. When a couple thoughtfully considers inviting you to their big day, make sure to respond promptly. Often, a final headcount determines logistics for catering, drinks, rental items such as chairs, etc. RSVPing on time helps the couple finalize those details to ensure there is enough food and space for everyone.
Check the wedding website or additional info. If the couple provides a wedding website or additional materials, make sure to read them. They could contain directions, accommodations, parking, or other specifics.
Be on time. Arriving early is always better than late, especially for the ceremony. Plan accordingly by checking how long it will take you to get to the venue and consider what traffic may be like in the area.
Follow the dress code. If a dress code or theme is mentioned on the invitation, follow those instructions. Some couples have a vision and want their guests to be cohesive with it, especially if they have spent good money on a professional photographer. Some couples don’t mind what you wear, and if you’re unsure or instructions aren’t clear, ask for clarity.
Respect the couple’s wishes. If there are specific requests, such as no phones during the ceremony, make sure to follow them. After all, a photographer is hired more often than not, and it’s a big sign of disrespect to the couple and undermines the photographer's ability and need to be there.
Be mindful of children. If the couple has a no-children policy, respect it. If the couple allows kids, ensure they are well-behaved or be ready to step in. If arrangements can’t be made, such as a babysitter, which determines your ability to attend, communicate that with the couple. When making a no-child policy, the couple can expect that some guests may not be able to obtain a babysitter.
Congratulate the couple. Take a brief moment to congratulate the couple privately or during the reception.
Thank the hosts. Whether it’s the couple or their families, thank them for the invitation and the experience if you’ve had a good time. If you didn’t have a good time, remember one of the golden rules: “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” A lot of money, time, and preparation goes into a wedding and the last thing a couple needs to hear on their big day is negativity.
Wear White. Do NOT wear white unless specifically instructed otherwise. It’s a well-known traditional value, and wearing white when not requested is a sign of disrespect and can be seen as an attempt to take attention away from the bride.
Post on social media without permission. Respect the couple’s wishes regarding social media. Posting the bride before she announces it is a sign of disrespect. Some couples prefer to keep their wedding private or wait to share professional photos.
Bring a plus one without confirming. Unless explicitly invited, don’t assume you can bring a guest. Only bring a plus one if it is clearly stated on the invitation. If you’re unsure, ask. Communication is vital. Couples spend combined thousands on venue, rentals, and catering and finalize headcount close to the wedding date. If a plus one is brought uninvited or without confirmation, expect that space may not have been accounted for for them.
Make it about you. Weddings are about the couple, so avoid overshadowing the day with personal drama and making excessive demands. Let the couple have their moment to shine.
Ask the couple about future children. It’s crucial to avoid prying into personal topics like when the couple plans to have children. Infertility is on the rise, with more couples having to explore other options of being able to have kids. Asking such questions of plans for children can bring up painful experiences or anxiety. Some couples do not want children. It’s best to avoid this topic altogether.
Distract the photographer. While you may want a great picture, avoid approaching the professional photographer or interrupting shots, especially during key moments.
Force a toast or speech. Only give a toast or speech if asked. Don’t impose yourself to speak or give a toast. It’s essential to keep it short and sweet when giving a speech. Couples have a carefully developed timeline to enjoy their day to the fullest. Giving a 5+ minute speech can dip into time scheduled for other people’s toast, special dance, or other activities.
Use the wedding as an opportunity for personal announcements. Keep any personal news, such as engagements, pregnancies, or job changes, to yourself unless you’ve coordinated with and been given permission from the couple. Weddings are not the time to make unrelated announcements.
By following these simple yet essential rules of wedding etiquette, you can ensure respect for the couple on their big day.